4 Awkward Sports Movie Moments and One Glorious Montage

Since 5 is too normal of a number, here are FOUR awkward sports movie moments. Plus one amazing glorious montage.

4. Hoosiers: I couldn't find the clip on YouTube, but everyone's seen this flick. While I guess it's motivational to see a bunch of white farm boys play basketball, there's also something inherently awkward about a bunch of white farm boys playing basketball. The pinnacle of this is when the team runt, Olly, wins the game...with a granny shot.

tHree. Vision Quest: Holy crap, if it weren't for Matthew Modine's quirky acting this would be the most awkward 90 minutes of your life. I was looking for a moment where two high schoolers get into a confrontation and resolve it by fighting. Well, not actually fighting but wrestling. With takedowns. In front of the school. But instead I came across this unfortunately intentionally awkward moment:

2wo: Air Bud: Look at 7:04. This is the funniest thing I've seen in my entire life. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha! Nice hands kid!

1. Uh, I forgot the last one. Boy this is awkward.

Now, for your enjoyment the greatest montage of all time! That's right, it's clips from Radio scored to Nickelback! It really doesn't get better than this:

Top 5 Football Movie Speeches

It's halftime. Your team is down by 3 touchdowns. You're the underdog. You shouldn't even be in this game for crying out loud. You're tired, exhausted, beat-up and worn down. What are you gonna do?

Well, luckily Coach is equipped with a full string orchestra and some of Hollywood's best screenwriters! Unless you went to my school, then in that case Coach is equipped with a substance abuse problem and a speech impediment- oh middle school how I miss thee.

Anyways, here are the top 5 adrenaline amping, gut-wrenching, fist-pumping, game-winning movie football speeches of all time:


Remember The Titans- "The Night They Played The Titans"

You know the saying: "Offense wins games, Defense wins Outback Gift Cards"..."Err, I mean championships." Listen as Coach Yoast (played by a crazy eyed Bill Patton) demands his defense to become an iron curtain. It's short, but his message is simple: Make sure they remember the night they played the Titans.




Brian's Song- "Billy Dee Cries"

Okay, so this isn't really a motivational win-the-game moment, but I had to include Billy Dee's speech from Brian's Song. It's impossible to not cry during his stirring acceptance speech- unless of course you cannot relate to the human condition and if that's the case, then you are a robot and I will not speak to you. Unless it is to negotiate a peace treaty between the human race and the cyborgs.



The Replacements- "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars."

"Glory Lasts Forever." Keanu Reeves knocks this moment out the park- watch for his stumble as he gets up in the huddle- as he delivers three simple sentences to his troops. Simple but incredibly true. The Replacements also gets extra points for Gene Hackman's "There is no tomorrow for you. And that makes you all very dangerous people" speech that takes place 15 minutes earlier. Great lines from a goofy film.




Any Given Sunday- "Peace By Inches"

When Oliver Stone made Any Given Sunday, he didn't make a football movie. No, he made a battlefield war epic that just happened to take place on a football field. Pacino's phenomenal "Peace By Inches" speech is everything that movie represents: larger-than-life, earth-shattering and heart-pounding. Everything in life is about inches- the tiniest of moments.



Friday Night Lights- "Perfect"

Peter Berg directed what I consider to be not only of the greatest football films of all time, but one of the greatest sports movies of all time- and in my humble opinion one of the greatest films. Don't worry, I'll get to that point in a later post titled "Friday Night Lights- Great Movie or the Greatest Movie". This speech is pretty much the exact opposite of Pacino's: it is real and subtle and low-key. And that is why it is fantastic. This could be taken from any high school coach's locker room. If you ask any athlete that's ever played any sport- excuse me, that's ever LIVED any sport- they will tell you Being perfect is not about a scoreboard. It's about leaving everything on the field. It's about walking away without regrets. About raising you head high. It's about seeing this movie because it is so freaking good!

There you go. Tune in next week for the "5 Most Awkward Sports Movie Moments of All Time"

5 Great (Not Greatest) Nike Commercials

Nike, Nike, Nike... God I hate you. You are everything I want to be.

Anyways, I figured I'd kick off the blog with a collection of my favorite Nike commercials. Be prepared- these spots are gonna blow your mindgrapes.

5. "Let Your Game Speak"

Michael Jordan: Greatest Basketball Player of his time? Or Greatest Basketball Player of All Time? (this of course include Jesus and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. And let's not forget the 1982 Harlem Globe trotters.) "Let Your Game Speak" takes some of the greatest moments of Jordan's career and simply replaces them with everyday players (kids, high schoolers, etc) in everyday settings (practice, street ball, etc), yet the feeling generated is incredible.

4. "Better Than Me"

Directed by The Hughes Brothers (Menace II Society, Dead Presidents), the spot follows Lebron James from a kid all the way to adulthood- watching him stomp all sorts of fools along the way. King James' voice over ends with "You don't want to me; You want to be better than me"- just as Lebron is floating through the air with a dunk reminiscent of another player who wore 23.

3. "See Lance Ride"

Subtle and sublime (although I don't really quite grasp the meaning of the word 'sublime') let's just follow Lance Armstrong on a little ride- oh and try not to be overwhelmed with inarticulate emotion.

2. "Leave Nothing"

Oh what's up Michael Mann? Who you got there with you? Shawn Merriman and Steven Jackson? That's cool. Oh, you also got the adrenaline amping score from "Last of The Mohicans"? Nice. What's that? You also just made a delicious tuna casserole and you want me to come over? Michael Mann is there anything you can't do? (outside of making a good John Dillinger film.)

1. "Fate"

David Fincher takes us on an incredible journey, with a little bit of help from "The Ecstasy of Gold", of youth, dreams, hard work, raw talent and ultimately fate. Telling the parallel life stories of Troy Polamalu and LaDainian Tomlinson, "Fate" leaves me stunned every time.

So that's it for now. Good night and good luck...and good night again. Oh and if you feel like checking out my shameless Nike style ripoff commercial...

"Minutes" Wrestling Commercial from Nickolas Duarte on Vimeo.

What up plug?!